Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

P.S. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick?’

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

1.     The bandage was wound around the wound.

2.     The farm was used to produce produce.

3.     The dump was so full that it had to refuse morerefuse.

4.     We must polish the Polish furniture.

5.     He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6.     The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7.     Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8.     A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9.     When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes

10.    I did not object to the object.

11.   The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12.    There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13.    They were too close to the door to close it.

14.     The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15.      A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16.      To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17.      The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18.       Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19.         I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20.        How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Etapa a doua – « totul e bullshit.» E ca si cand te trezesti din betie. La etapa asta realizezi ca afara-i vopsit gardu’, inauntru-i leopardul. Mancarea, care mai sus o adorai, acum n-are nici un gust, vinetele, oricat de mult te-ai chinui sa le prepari, n-au gust desi sunt umflate cu pompa, rosiile au gust de cauciuc, porumbul fiert e prea dulce, chiar scarbos de dulce, painea e elastica, soselele care erau largi mai sus, se ingusteaza pentru ca acum ai ochi sa observi si traficul infernal. Aerul nu mai e atat de pur ca tocmai ai supravietuit unor cinci zile consecutive de smog si te declari fericit ca n-ai probleme cardiace. Vecinii care zambeau sunt niste inculti cu care nu poti schimba doua cuvinte. Parcurile nu le mai vezi atat de verzi pentru ca-s pline de disperati de viata care fac jogging dimineata si seara, de parca n-au nici o alta grija cotidiana. Iar prietenii din tara te intreaba ce-i avut in cap cand ai emigrat. La ei sunt 28C la umbra cand la tine sunt 4C iar vantul te doboara…, Costel e in fiecare weekend la Sinaia iar Angela tocmai si-a luat bilet trei saptamani la Neptun… Statistic vorbind, citeam pe undeva ca 60% din emigranti in momentele acestei etape se intorc acasa.

Etapa a treia – « viata e frumoasa si aici! » Dupa dusurile reci primite la etapa de mai sus, te trezesti si incepi sa vezi lumea cu alti ochi. Se instaleaza o rutina placuta. E etapa in care te ancorezi la lumea inconjuratoare. Citesti cu asiduitate presa lor, urmaresti stirile, programele de divertisment. Esti la curent cu toate evenimentele culturale. Mergi destins la cinematograf. Pastrezi inca legatura cu cei lasati dincolo, dar remarcile lor nu te mai ranesc. Angela continua sa mearga an de an la Neptun pe o plaja plina de manelisti si de scoici in care-ti tai talpile. Costel viziteaza si el aceeasi Sinaie mereu…insa tu mergi si descoperi locuri noi in fiecare zi, azi, maine si poimaine si tot asa. Ti-ai luat bilete sa serbezi Anul Nou pe plaja la Punta Cana…De fapt vecinii sunt foarte sociabili, la un BBQ se leaga atatea prietenii.Totul e sa vrei! Este etapa care de fapt iti aduce cele mai multe impliniri, daca ai fost destul de stoic sa rezisti pana aici.

Etapa patru – « aici e casa mea! » Asta e etapa implinirii depline pe meleagurile altadata straine si atat de ostile. Acum totul iti este familiar. Cunosti orasul ca pe propriul buzunar, adopti stilul de viata actual, dar ce-i mai important, nu mai faci comparatii. Nu mai ai regrete. Privesti spre viitor cu lumina si pace-n suflet.
De-acum esti de-al casei!